★★

Directed by Kat Coiro, Marry Me is a rom-com whose screenplay is adapted from a graphic novel of the same name by Bobby Crosby. The film seems like a modern re-telling of Notting Hill, where a huge celebrity falls in love with a normal guy; however, Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant had a lot more charm and allure than this unlikely couple.

Jennifer Lopez stars as singing sensation Kat Valdez, who ends up feeling like a hyper-exaggerated version of Lopez herself. After going through an embarrassing scandal where she finds out her would-be fiancé, played by Maluma, has cheated on her just before their huge public wedding, Kat chooses a random guy in the audience to marry. It turns out that guy is a single dad and math teacher, Charlie Gilbert (Owen Wilson).

The premise feels more like a Hallmark movie than a blockbuster film. JLo, who served as executive producer in Marry Me, participates in a lot of product placement in the film. Marry Me advertises Coach, Guess, Vitamix, and even Wix.com throughout. Veiled as a commentary on Kat Valdez’s publicized, social media-run life, these mini commercials only add to the underscored feeling of the film.

Three years prior to the release of this film, Lopez took what was thought to be a career-changing role as Ramona Vega, a veteran stripper in the film Hustlers. Her work in the heist drama was considered Lopez’ best to date. The next film she starred in after this type of critical success should be important. However, Marry Me is a throw-away date night flick that doesn’t even stand up to Lopez’s early romantic films like The Wedding Planner or Maid in Manhattan.

Though Owen Wilson is usually a likable, down-to-earth guy in most movies he appears in, his character feels off here. Charlie Gilbert has everything viewers would want from a sympathetic male lead. He’s a single dad whose wife dumped him. He’s a public school math teacher who’s head of the math club. His daughter’s going through puberty and is embarrassed by everything he does. However, Charlie’s lines and boring characterization make him come off as strange, not relatable. When he tells Kat she looks “good to go” as a compliment to express she doesn’t need hair extensions or make-up, it comes across as icky, not cute.

Marry Me is crammed with tons of other big-name stars whose talents all feel completely wasted in this mediocre story. Kat’s assistant, Melissa, is played by Michelle Buteau, who seems cursed to play only the best friend or assistant most movies she has been in. Though Bantu usually lights up the screen, she’s just mean without any shine in this instance. Charlie’s best friend, a guidance counselor named Parker, is portrayed by the incomparable Sarah Silverman, who, again isn’t anything special here. Even one-scene speaking roles are occupied by veteran actors like Utkarsh Ambudkar and Jameela Jamil.

Audiences who love Jennifer Lopez will enjoy this movie. She’s in almost every scene, and there are enough singing and dancing scenes for her biggest fans. Couples looking for a movie to see on Valentine’s Day will also find comfort in a movie where the ending is safe and predictable. During the end credits, some of the characters share how they met and fell in love interspersed with real people sharing their actual love stories. These little meet-cute vignettes feel so fun and sincere after watching a romantic film with no spark. It’s a wonder no one saw those pieces and realized there was more life in the credits than the entire film before them.