Lawn Mowing Simulator’s new expansion gets medieval on your grass

Lawn mowing — I prefer to call it “LARPing Qix” — has its own video game. How about that. Lawn Mowing Simulator launched on Aug. 10, in fact. Hey, why the hell am I writing about this now, boss? Oh, right, yeah, I’m the motorsports guy. I guess that makes me the mowtorsports guy, too.

Well, anyway, Lawn Mowing Simulator — which is also available on Xbox Game Pass — has its first premium expansion! As if to answer “What if King Harold had a Cub Cadet?” Skyhook Games is launching the Ancient Britain DLC pack, which means you can now mow some Anglo-Saxon burial mounds and Arthurian glens about a thousand years before modern golf course management began.

“Four ancient heritage sites,” are part of the $8.99 expansion, says Skyhook. but they all seem to be made up. You can manicure the Stonehenge-sounding “Royal Stones,” observe the solstice at “Druid’s Tor,” and trim the grounds at “The Ancient Aurochs.”

Near the Ancient Aurochs is “Aurochs Hill,” where landscapers must contend with a steep slope while avoiding a Bronze Age field painting. “Be sure to go slow as any damage caused to this historic site will come with a heavy fine,” says Skyhook Games. Well, maybe it does, but when those Bronze Age peasants hear all 21 horses under the hood of your Toro, I doubt they’ll come runnin’ to collect.

The DLC is available now for Windows PC versions on Steam, and will launch for Xbox Series X on Dec. 2. Great. Right at the time of year when I don’t have to spend a Saturday mowing my lawn.

Disclosure: Owen’s neighbor hires a lawn mowing service called “Twins Lawn Care” and its owner actually looks like Walder Frey.