Final Fantasy enthusiasts, prepare for a thrill! This morning, April 1, Square Enix caught the world off guard by unveiling Final Fantasy XVII, a title that supposedly marks a return to the franchise’s celebrated turn-based roots. The initial teaser was nothing short of breathtaking, showcasing a sophisticated HD-2D aesthetic that—wait, one moment. My apologies. It seems I’ve been misled. That was apparently an elaborate prank. My mistake.
I hope you can forgive the lapse in judgment. As it happens, today is April Fools’ Day, the annual occasion when the video game industry delights in dreaming up the most enticing, yet entirely fraudulent, announcements. It is a tradition of high-concept mischief designed to trick even the most seasoned fans into believing the impossible is real. For a reporter, this influx of sophisticated hoaxes makes the workday a total minefield. Of course, the idea of Square Enix pivoting back to traditional turn-based mechanics was likely a bridge too far.
Despite that false start, I have what appeared to be genuine news for RPG aficionados: Sandfall Interactive has hinted at its upcoming project. Clair Obscur: Expedition 0 is reportedly a prequel to the award-winning Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, focusing on the inaugural journey to confront the Paintress—no, wait, stop. That’s another fabrication! I can’t believe I was deceived a second time. It honestly sounded like a logical expansion of the lore.
Let’s try this again. It looks like a new Kingdom Hearts spin-off featuring Donald Duck is in the works! No, that’s another jest. How about this: Obsidian Entertainment is developing a new Fallout: New Vegas narrative experience styled after the artistry of Pentiment! Oh, that’s meant to be a joke as well. I suppose I see the irony. Here’s one: Sega is creating an open-world Simpsons game built on the Yakuza engine? That actually sounds like a masterpiece! I can already imagine brawling through the streets of Springfield as—oh, never mind. Another ruse.
At this point, I’m retreating to the most mundane news possible. I’ll stick to the topics so dry that no one would bother using them for a prank. For example, the niche title Cubivore is allegedly being added to the Nintendo Switch Online GameCube collection. Simple, right? Wait… are you serious? Why would someone even joke about that? What is the punchline supposed to be?
I’ve had enough! From this point forward, it is strictly corporate data and internal politics. Here is a real snore-fest for the pranksters: Epic Games CEO Tim Sweeney has reportedly confirmed the studio will not use generative AI to replace its recently departed staff. Instead, the company plans to reinvest in its human capital, granting the Fortnite development team significant raises and—oh, for the love of… even that was a lie!
That is the final straw. I am officially signing off. You can all enjoy your little japes and tricks; I’m going for a walk in the fresh air. I’ll be back when the industry returns to sanity. Wait, a new notification just hit my inbox: “Bloodborne is finally receiving a PS5 performance patch to enable 45fps.”
Hah, nice attempt, you lunatics! Do you honestly take me for a fool?
Source: Polygon
