TO: All Aperture staff
FROM: Cave Johnson
Cave Johnson right here. Your boss. It’s come to my consideration that a few of you might be involved after receiving my all-staff memo yesterday (“You: Design Test Chambers or You’re Fired”). So to place your minds relaxed, let me make clear: You are not mentally unwell and also you did learn the memo simply advantageous. It was actual. You must be designing take a look at chambers, proper now and always, or by God I’ll hearth you.
Having stated that, let’s be trustworthy: Some of you might be incapable of designing a take a look at chamber, regardless of the motivation. You’re solely getting marginally higher outcomes than a canine would. Worse, really. A canine designing even a substandard take a look at chamber’d be fairly damned spectacular, let’s not child ourselves.
But don’t be concerned, you are not fired but. It turns on the market’s an excellent higher job you are able to do as a substitute of being fired: Getting launched into an infinite collection of alternate Earths to consider all of the take a look at chambers your smarter coworkers are making.
Wait, it will get higher: I’ll be proper there with you. Every step of the way in which, whether or not the exams work or not, Cave’ll be by your facet, dealing with no matter life-threatening risks we’d run into on the market. And even higher, I will not really bodily be there. I’ll be right here, speaking right into a microphone, from full and whole security. That method the individuals who’ll be monitoring whether or not you are still alive will not have to separate their focus worrying about me.
So there you will have it. Everyone’s helpful within the Perpetual Testing Initiative. Except Peter Jenkins, which brings me to the purpose of this memo: Pete, you are fired.
Alright, that ought to wrap it up. Everybody besides Pete get again to work when this sentence finishes… now.