Note: This article accommodates descriptions of alleged sexual assault that some readers could discover disturbing.
Four girls have accused Victor Vazquez, the rapper often known as Kool A.D., previously of Das Racist, of sexual assault. In interviews with Pitchfork, Vazquez’s estranged spouse Saba Moeel, former pal Marta Martinez, former collaborator Andie Flores, and an acquaintance who requested to be known as Senn for this text, described claims of non-consensual sexual exercise that allegedly came about between 2006 and 2015. In an emailed assertion to Pitchfork, Vazquez confirmed the sexual encounters however maintained that he believed them to have been consensual. “It was never my intention to hurt anybody, but through ignorance, entitlement and ego, I now see that I have,” he wrote.
Moeel, a visible artist who additionally makes music underneath the identify Cult Days, first made her allegations in December 2017, when she posted a collection of vitriolic tweets calling out many males she felt had wronged her all through her life. The fundamental goal of her anger was Vazquez, whom she married in April 2014; their daughter was born in September of that 12 months.
“If anyone treated my daughter the way I have been treated I would snap their necks in an alley and feel good about it,” she tweeted. Moeel additionally referred to as out Vazquez for what she noticed as a disconnect between his public persona as a champion of social justice causes and his non-public actions: “These same men will loud talk about how they are being oppressed, say fuck [the] police, and turn around act like the worst kind of crooked cop toward women,” she wrote. (In February 2018, Moeel elaborated on these tweets in an interview with Consequence of Sound.)
Moeel advised Pitchfork that whereas going by way of the method of ending her marriage final 12 months, she realized that her preliminary sexual encounter with Vazquez, which came about in 2010 or 2011, was non-consensual. “Our first time was at his parents’ house, and I told him straight up, ‘We can hook up, but I don’t want to have sex tonight,’ and he said, ‘OK,’” she stated. “He did it anyway, and I just froze, and he was like, ‘Oh it’s OK, just for a little bit.’”
She additionally stated that he compelled her to carry out oral intercourse on him with out her consent throughout a New Year’s get together at a pal’s home in 2011 or 2012. “He basically made me give him head while I was super drunk and wanting to throw up and go to the bathroom, and then spent the whole night with me by the toilet as I threw up,” she stated.
In his e-mail to Pitchfork, Vazquez stated, “I remember that first sexual encounter to be consensual and she never mentioned the event to be otherwise to me until the end of our four-year marriage. Regarding the New Year’s Party, we were both intoxicated, but I was under the assumption at the time, and for several years after the fact, that the oral sex was consensual.”
He added, “Despite everything, Saba is still the mother of my child so I am bound by my daughter’s blood to love her and care for her mental and physical health and safety. I have been working to better myself and will continue to do so, and similarly, I hope Saba finds the help she needs.”
Marta Martinez and Vazquez had been shut buddies who attended Wesleyan University collectively within the early-to-mid-2000s. They had been bodily intimate on and off throughout that point. By the summer season of 2006, when Martinez and Vazquez’s alleged incident came about, their relationship was strictly platonic, she stated. Martinez had graduated and was dwelling in San Francisco on the time; Vazquez would usually crash at her residence when he was on the town. When he requested to remain over that evening in June 2006, she didn’t suppose something of it, she stated.
“He woke me up multiple times throughout the night trying to make advances, and I kept telling him no,” she stated. “Finally he woke me up at like 6 or 6:30 in the morning. And I was feeling super pressured. I think my exact words were, ‘OK, fine.’ But then I immediately fell asleep. I was sleeping and I felt him inside of me. And I said, ‘What the fuck?’ I will never forget my first response.”
A number of weeks later, Martinez stated, she discovered that she was pregnant. Vazquez paid for her to have an abortion and accompanied her residence after the process, each events confirmed to Pitchfork.
“The night in question, I remember her to be awake but I admit I was intoxicated so my ability to discern that may have been impaired,” Vazquez advised Pitchfork. “I was surprised to hear her memory of those events weeks later which I heard through a mutual friend, but I don’t wish to deny her truth, after all we were both drinking and my memory of events is hazy.” (Martinez advised Pitchfork that she and Vazquez could have drank alcohol earlier within the evening, however she was sober by the point of the alleged assault.)
It wasn’t till after the abortion that “the flood of negative feelings started to hit me,” Martinez stated. “Having to go through the trauma of going through an abortion. Having been pregnant in the first place. Feeling extremely violated by this person who at certain points in our friendship was my best friend.”
“I was embarrassed that that had happened to me,” Martinez stated. “It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was actually a victim of his actions.”
Three mutual faculty buddies of Martinez’s and Vazquez’s advised Pitchfork that that they had spoken with each Martinez and Vazquez in regards to the alleged sexual assault and abortion within the months following these occasions.
Martinez stated that she didn’t contemplate going to the police. “I was in complete denial,” she recalled. “Like, this is my friend. I must have misunderstood what happened. I must be remembering this incorrectly. I must have done something or said something wrong. It took me a while to even use the word ‘rape’ about what happened.”
Martinez stated she is coming ahead now as a result of “it pained me to learn he continued to hurt others.” She added, “I’m tired of protecting him with my anonymity. I’m calling on his community to hold him accountable, to take the onus off of his victims so that we can focus on healing.”
“I would like to apologize again to Marta,” Vazquez wrote in his e-mail to Pitchfork. “It was never my intention to hurt her and I wish her peace and send her love.”
On December 4, 2013, Senn (a pseudonym requested for this text) went to a Kool A.D. present on the Middle East in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She was 20 on the time; Vazquez was 29. The two had met briefly twice earlier than. Senn went to the present with a pal, and afterwards, she and the pal ended up at a gathering with Vazquez and a number of other others.
Both Senn and Vazquez took hallucinogenic mushrooms on the get together, they independently confirmed to Pitchfork, and on the way in which residence, Senn stated that she began hallucinating. She stated that she invited Vazquez over to her residence, considering, “We’re gonna just chill. Maybe we can make art together.”
When he arrived on the residence, Senn stated Vazquez started “aggressively kissing” her. “It kind of put me into shock,” she stated. “In my head, the option of being like, ‘No no no no no’ was not there, because I was too intoxicated.” (Vazquez advised Pitchfork that he was additionally intoxicated that evening.)
Senn stated that sooner or later after she and Vazquez had moved to her mattress, and he had put his fingers in her shorts, he stated, “I need to know this is OK with you.” She stated, “I rationalized, like, ‘This is OK, but nothing past this. I don’t want anything past this.’”
Senn stated that Vazquez began to carry out oral intercourse on her, regardless of her telling him to not. She added, “Then he kept trying to pull my legs apart to have sex with me, and I kept closing my legs and crossing my legs in as many ways as I could.”
Senn stated that Vazquez then put his penis in her mouth. “I couldn’t stop shaking my head, like, ‘No.’ All I could think is, ‘My roommates are asleep. I don’t want to disturb their sleep. Why is this happening?’ I couldn’t process any of it.”
She continued, “After that, he masturbated and he finished—twice. I’m just in shock lying there in my own bed.”
The subsequent morning, Senn stated, she was nonetheless making an attempt to course of what had occurred. She and Vazquez went to brunch collectively after which went their separate methods. Senn stated that she didn’t go to the police, however she did go to a disaster middle.
Both of Senn’s roommates on the time advised Pitchfork that they noticed Vazquez at their residence that evening, and each stated that Senn appeared deeply shaken by the incident. Both roommates, Senn’s boss on the time, and the pal who attended the Kool A.D. present together with her all additionally confirmed to Pitchfork that Senn had advised them that she had been sexually assaulted very quickly after the alleged incident.
Vazquez wrote in his e-mail to Pitchfork, “My memory of events differs from hers on a number of points, but I do not wish to deny her truth. I believe her pain to be real and I am sorry to have caused it. In retrospect I can see that I came over to her place making the wrong assumptions, I did not make a sufficient effort to understand her wants and needs, I let drugs, alcohol, ego, and lust cloud my empathy and awareness.”
“It really changed my life,” Senn stated of the alleged assault. “I couldn’t keep in touch with my own mother for a year and a half after it happened, because there was so much shame, and she didn’t understand. It was so awful. He has no idea what he took away from me.”
Saba Moeel, Vazquez’s estranged spouse, came upon about Senn’s allegations two years later, in the summertime of 2015, by way of a social media submit. She then referred to as Senn to listen to her aspect of the story. “I was just trying to understand what kind of person I married,” Moeel stated.
Mooel stated that her dialog with Senn was a turning level for her. “From that moment, I’ve been trying to arrange myself and my life in a way that would save me and save my daughter.”
Andie Flores, an Austin, Texas-based visible and efficiency artist, met Vazquez on the South by Southwest music pageant within the spring of 2012 by way of a mutual pal. She was 22 years previous; Vazquez was 28. That summer season, when Flores moved to New York, she began hanging out with Das Racist and their buddies and helping with present reserving, merch gross sales, and extra.
At Bonnaroo in June 2012, Flores advised Pitchfork that Vazquez “tried to finger me” whereas they had been each driving in a van. Later that summer season, once they had been each again in New York, he had intercourse together with her with out her consent and with out safety, she stated. “He put it in, did whatever he wanted to do. Took it out, and fell asleep right away. Like a dumping, was what it felt like,” she advised Pitchfork.
Three years later, in 2015, Flores was dwelling in Austin, and she or he let Vazquez keep at her place throughout SXSW, understanding that she wouldn’t be alone with him because of the truth that her sister and her buddies had been staying together with her that weekend. On Vazquez’s final evening on the town, Flores advised Pitchfork that she gave in to him pressuring her and let him keep in her mattress. She stated that he once more had intercourse together with her with out her consent and with out safety.
Flores stated that she was no more forceful with Vazquez as a result of “I just didn’t feel totally safe. And I didn’t want him to be mad at me. Which is crazy.”
“I was embarrassed, I felt used, I was super confused,” she stated. “It’s weird because I feel like no one I’ve ever been friends with has ever made me laugh as much as Victor. I really enjoyed hanging out with him, and I didn’t quite understand the nature of things that happened. Or I just didn’t want it to be true that I was being used for things. I wanted to feel important in some way, or that we were friends.”
“I couldn’t quite process at the time how to feel better,” Flores stated. “It wasn’t like he straight up raped me, right? I mean, I could have hit him or yelled or freaked him out to leave me alone, but we were friends! That’s just how he was, and it sucked, but the other parts of the friendship were good and cool, right? There was a very clear power dynamic and for some reason, I wanted to be blind to it. You don’t treat a friend like that. You don’t.”
In his e-mail to Pitchfork, Vazquez stated, “Regarding Andie, my memory of our relationship differs from hers in a number of ways but again, I do not wish to deny her truth and instead have been reflecting critically on my own behavior.”
In early 2017, Flores skilled a breakthrough after watching an episode of the TV present “Girls.” In the episode, Lena Dunham’s character, Hannah, confronts a well-known, well-respected older male author about sexual misconduct allegations made towards him by faculty women. The story is all in regards to the murky energy dynamics underlying sexual encounters between artists and followers.
“I just sobbed through the credits,” Flores stated. “Watching that validated my shitty experiences. Of course I had a right to be upset. What he did to me wasn’t OK.”
When requested why she determined to go public together with her story, Flores stated, “Ultimately, I decided I just wanted other women—all women—to be protected from his behavior and for everyone to recognize that it wasn’t OK. I was tired of seeing Victor lauded as this super ‘woke,’ always-100-percent-right, anti-government feminist—when he’s not.”
Writing to Pitchfork, Vazquez stated:
“I know I still have a lot of unlearning to do regarding sex, ego, pride, and masculinity. I’m learning to recognize the toxic ideals of masculinity that I unthinkingly bought into. I compulsively sought validation through sex, selfishly unaware of the harm I was causing. I’m trying to be vigilant about consent, have more direct conversations, check myself and really be present and attentive to the wants and needs of the women in my life and not just in sexual relationships but in my relationships with all women. I’m trying to not prioritize my wants and needs over the wants and needs of others. I’m trying to be as open as possible and listen as much as possible and not try to inject my ego into every situation I find myself in. I am learning to confront myself now so that I may transform my toxic patterns for the sake of my daughter, my family and friends, my girlfriend, my community and myself. I want to utilize whatever is left of my marginal celebrity to help foster more healthy ideas of masculinity and challenge the expectations that arise from gender binaries. I don’t want to cause anyone any more pain. I don’t want to be a source of trauma. I want a clear mind and an open heart.”
If you or somebody you recognize has been affected by sexual violence and want to speak, we advocate these assets:
RAINN
https://rainn.org
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Crisis Text Line
https://www.facebook.com/crisistextline (chat assist)
SMS: Text “HERE” to 741-741
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