I don’t need to reinforce the lazy stereotype that every one bisexuals are grasping however on Wednesday September 11, 2019, when the Tokyo Game Show trailer for Final Fantasy 7 Remake dropped, I couldn’t do any work for 3 hours.
Along with just about all of games Twitter, I used to be caught up in a thirst-posting social media cyclone that mainly revolved round yeeting footage of Final Fantasy 7’s core solid into the void and gushing about how fucking sizzling all of them are after their 22-year glow up.
Tifa’s arms, Reno’s chest, Biggs’ cheekbones, Aeris in that costume, Jesse’s asymmetrical bangs… it’s like Square Enix took a composite of all the most typical options from my Tinder match listing and educated an AI to sculpt them, Pygmalion model, into an Unreal Engine four character creator. Literally making my desires come true.
“Tell me Ifrit isn’t bait for the most intense kind-of bear/daddy fan art”
“Those eyes!” exclaims Rude when he sees Cloud for the primary time. “I know, buddy, I know” I whisper at my monitor as I soften right into a feckless pile of goo. Obviously, Rude’s commenting on the Mako coursing via each molecule of our spiky-haired protagonist’s physique, however the headcanon I’m transport has extra of a ‘love at first sight’ kinda vibe.
Then we get to Reno – the cocky, open-shirted redhead that first helped me come to phrases with my bisexuality again when Square Enix first launched Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children in 2005.
In the movie, Reno developed from this podgy clump of polygonal limbs to this androgynous nymph, this crafty flirt, this CGI catnip in human type. Little did I do know it, however Reno’s look in that horrible animated spin-off film would instigate a lifelong attraction to (and subsequent courting of) androgynous individuals, redheaded individuals, and people who wish to put on fits with too many buttons undone.
If Square Enix takes a leaf out of the Final Fantasy 15 e book of ‘how to flog a dead horse’, possibly we may see an Episode Reno DLC once all the chapters of Remake are out in the wild – an announcement that, if my Twitter feed is something to go by, would ship players of all sexual identities into meltdown, I’m certain.
So far, we’ve seen Jesse, Barret, Tifa, Aerith, Biggs, Wedge, a brand new (as but unnamed) SOLDIER, Cloud, Sephiroth, Reno, Tseng, Rude, and even two summons – Shiva and Ifrit. All of them are match. Yep, even the spirits. You have a look at Shiva and inform me she isn’t radiating Big Domme vitality. Tell me Ifrit isn’t bait for probably the most intense kind-of bear/daddy fan artwork.
I’ve even seen pockets of the deep, darkish web thirsting after the sleazy vibes of Mark Hamill’s Don Corneo, taken in by the thrall of his greasy lil’ moustache and daft, tufty mohawk – trying like all of the worst individuals at a Kasabian gig.
The level is, so far as I’m involved, I’d swipe proper on each single considered one of these individuals (and spirits) on Tinder.
And we haven’t even seen Yuffie or Vincent but. Be nonetheless my beating emo coronary heart.
Yes, I’m being glib and foisting my unadulterated thirst on you purely for leisure worth, however I do suppose there’s a degree to be made in turning each single considered one of your in-game characters into an entire thirst entice: it’s progress.
It’s one other step away from that hackneyed videogame eye-roll of solely interesting to the male gaze – of creating girls engaging (learn: large chest, brief skirt) while making all the boys a palette swap of Marcus Fenix or Doomguy.
Final Fantasy 7 was at all times a vacation spot for thirsty players to challenge their lustful fantasies – a cursory search of any hentai imageboard will show that in a heartbeat – so in turning these low-poly character fashions into these legit angels that attraction to the overwhelming majority of sexual preferences… nicely, what has Square Enix bought to lose?
“It’s another step away from that hackneyed videogame eye-roll of only appealing to the male gaze – of making women attractive whilst making all the men a palette swap of Marcus Fenix”
Straight individuals, homosexual individuals, grasping bisexuals like myself and no matter different mixture of gender id and sexual desire that enjoys gaming has one thing to like right here (besides, apparently, my main accomplice). No accounting for style, eh?
In a local weather the place builders get criticised for virtually every part they do, I really feel it’s vital to have a good time Square Enix for making a solid of characters that everybody can fall in love with yet again, for his or her personalities and their character arcs, and for his or her frankly God-tier visible aesthetic.
I gained’t be objectifying the heroes and villains of Final Fantasy 7 Remake or taking part in the game purely for sexual gratification, I’ll be taking part in it with a giant, dumb Labrador smile plastered throughout my face as a result of I can reconnect with a game that piqued my curiosity as a hormone-addled tween while being awed by a solid of characters that’s simple on the attention.
I hope everybody else performs it the identical approach: drawn to the characters that do it for you, and appreciating that – even in the event you wouldn’t share a mattress with Cloud – he’s a fucking attractive ottery twink that might cleave you in half with ease (interpret that as you’ll).
Thanks, Square Enix, for designing a solid that sacks off interesting to the male gaze and as a substitute appeals to the human gaze as a substitute. The thirsty girls, gays, bis, pans, aces and whoever else within the ever-expanding Final Fantasy fandom salute you.
Of all of the adjustments Final Fantasy 7 Remake is making to the game, it’s maintaining an important a part of its legacy intact: again within the 90s, the Play-Doh character fashions and glimpses of attractive spiky-haired heroes in low-res cutscenes by some means managed to seize the creativeness of a technology of attractive teenagers.
The Remake is doing all of it once more – however this time, I can respect it much more as a result of I’ve come to phrases with the truth that I’m a grasping bisexual that simply can’t get sufficient.
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